CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

With the help of NSA, Number Woman was able to go undercover as a bank examiner. By visiting the 6 large banks as an auditor, she learned that their presidents met monthly to discuss "bank management techniques". These meetings were not open to the public. As a matter of fact, they were extremely secret meetings. NW suspected that the meetings were used to plan their illegal schemes for bilking their customers. She also thought that who ever was conducting the meetings would have to be the leader of the sociopaths. She shared this information with Hairy who figured out a way to "bug" the next meeting. 

They learned that the Bank of America President was the supreme ruler of the Lords of Finance. His nick name was Slippery Richard. Hairy put a tail on him to find out if he had any unusual activities that could be used to embarrass and compromise him. What he discovered was so bizarre that he hesitated to reveal it for fear it would be too disturbing for the world to know. It was cruel, dishonest, and just plain sick. He asked NW to meet him at his penthouse so he could reveal the awful thing to her. He wanted to know what she thought they should do with the shocking information. 

To be continued... 

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR, HAIRY RISK TAKER

When Number Woman arrived at Hairy’s penthouse, she said, “Holy shit, this place must be worth millions!”

 Hairy replied, “Yes, ten million, to be exact. I have done quite well in the insurance business and my connection with Warren Buffet has been very helpful.”

After Number Woman and Hairy got comfortable on the elegant white Wilshire sofa, he poured jasmine tea into some beautiful Oriental cups and asked, “How do you think we should attack the Lords of Finance?”

She said, “I think we have to identify the leader of the sociopathic bank presidents and ‘take him down’. We discredit and humiliate him. We do a tap dance that forces him to resign and promote a non-sociopath to the bank presidency! Then, we threaten the other sociopathic presidents with the same fate unless they resign.”

Hairy said, “Brilliant! I like your plan. Let’s do it. How do we get started?”

She said, “I’ll go under cover as a bank accountant and once I have identified their secret leader, we will meet again to execute the rest of our plan.” NW and Hairy did a Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire tap dance routine to celebrate and NW departed.

To be continued…

        HAIRY RISK TAKER'S CHICAGO PENTHOUSE
                           

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

                                           
                                              BIG BANKS ARE
                                                 

After their plan failed, the Shadow disappeared and the Freelance Thinker went home to think, but Hairy was not giving up. His motto was, “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” He was not willing to let the big Merry Banksters continue their evil ways. The presidents of the 6 largest banks were stealing billions of dollars and not going to jail because they cleverly struck a cash- for- immunity deal with the Obama administration. The 6 presidents were the epitomes of perfect sociopaths. Each of them was capable of incredible destruction without accountability or remorse. They were predatory bankers and lords of finance.

Hairy decided that he needed help from the super hero who had saved Greece from corruption and insolvency. He knew that Number Woman was ideally suited for this mission. She was the best Krav Maga practitioner in the world, a crack shot with a hand gun, a world class tap dancer, a financial wizard with an extensive background in accounting, and she hated smart-ass bankers. Her alias is Jenny Reum, a mild mannered accountant. Hairy called her and she eagerly accepted the mission. They agreed to meet at Hairy’s  luxury penthouse in Chicago to work out the strategy of their attack on the Lords of Finance.

To be continued…

                                           

                                         THE FAMOUS "NUMBER WOMAN"      

REINTRODUCING HAIRY RISK TAKER

For the benefit of new readers of my serialized blog novel, I am posting a condensed summary of the forward to it. The story can be enjoyed and understood even if you start in the middle but I think the premise of the story is better understood if you have read this introduction:

FORWARD TO THE NOVEL, "HAIRY RISK TAKER"

In the technical jargon of the insurance industry, a risk exposure with “hair on it” is an exposure that is fraught with peril. It is a dangerous operation which is likely to result in huge liability claims. Only a few highly skilled agents specialize in this kind of risk. The hero of this novel is the top one of these agents and an undercover agent for NSA.  His name is “Hairy Risk Taker” He is a super hero with extraordinary skills. He has black belts in six different martial arts, his I Q is so high it is off the charts, and he can tap dance. He is handsome, charismatic, and his cheerfulness and contentment with life gives him a demeanor that exudes confidence. He divides his time between insurance, eliminating corruption in the business world, and neutralizing the enemies of the United States. He has some eccentricities but he is trying to make the world a better place by eliminating unfairness and injustice. So, he is a good guy. Hope you enjoy his adventures!

Chapter thirty-three will be posted soon…

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Hairy, Harry, and The Shadow put their plan into action but the nest of sociopaths at the bank were formidable opponents. Without remorse or guilt, they seemed able to manipulate the public into thinking they were the good guys. They were immune to blame for verdicts of fraud and illegal practices. Amazingly, the President of the bank admitted that they faced losses from legal and fraud matters of $5 billion! But people continued to invest in the Bank because of promises of future profits. The only good news was that for the third year in a row, Bank of America held the dubious distinction of being at the bottom of the American Customer Satisfaction Index.

Hairy said, “This is a blatant failure of the Obama Administration to properly regulate the banking industry. Power is maintained by illicit profits used for kick-backs to crooked politicians.”

The Freelance Thinker agreed and said, “Yeah, we need to find an honest, electable, candidate to run for office.” Let’s see if we can get George Teller to run for President.  He is the only one I can think of who could get us out of this mess!”

The Shadow said, “I know what evil lurks in the hearts of men but I can’t seem to do anything about it. Without George, we are doomed!"

To be continued…          

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

“Hey, come on, Shadow, stop clouding our minds and let us see you.” Said Hairy.

As he gradually appeared, The Shadow said, “Just having a little fun with you guys. Can you see me, now?”

 Both Hairy and Harry indicated that they could see him and they all began working on a master plan to identify and neutralize the sociopaths who were causing trouble in the financial industries. Hairy was able to convince the NSA Director to tap all the phones of the top corporate officers in the Fortune Five Hundred Companies and secretly access all their e-mails. With that information, The Shadow, using his psychic powers, could identify all the sociopaths. Then, Hairy Risk Taker would teach them how to “tap dance”.

Harry, pleased with their plan, could hardly wait to put it into action. He suggested they start with the Bank Of America Corporation. It is not only the largest bank; it is also the most crooked bank in America! The government saved it from ruin by pumping $45 billion of taxpayer money into it. Supposedly, this was done to prevent a depression. Since then, the Obama administration has looked the other way as the bank committed an astonishing variety of crimes—some elaborate and brilliant in their conception, some so crude that they’d be beneath your average street thug. It has cheated investors, insurers, depositors, homeowners, pensioners and tax payers. Bank of America is a Crime Syndicate! (Author's opinion)

To be continued…

CHAPTER THIRTY, HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

Hairy said, “What can we do? By definition these monsters are impossible to recognize before they do their evil deeds.”

Harry answered, “There is a guy by the name of Lamont Cranston who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. With his help and your connections at NSA, I think we can neutralize these evil bastards!”

 “Great,” said Hairy, “how do we get in touch with Mr. Cranston?”

“He has a secret identity known only by his girl friend, Margo Lane. I’ll call her to see if she can get a message to ‘The Shadow’.” Harry dialed her number and when she answered, he said, “Hello Margo, this is Harry, The Freelance Thinker. I need to get in touch with The Shadow. Can you help me?”

Margo said, “He is pretty busy with his never-ending battle against crime but I will see what I can do. Can you hold for a minute?”

Harry said, “Sure.” In precisely a minute, a deep voice said, “Hello Harry, this is the Shadow. I know what’s on your mind and I like it.”

“Yikes!  I forgot about your psychic powers. Can you join Hairy and me at Iwan Ries & Co. for some brainstorming?

A mysterious voice, emanating from the empty chair between Harry and Hairy, said, “The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. The Shadow knows. Ha, Ha Ha.”

To be continued…

THE SHADOW                            MARGO LANE

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Hairy and Freelance Thinker agreed to meet at America’s oldest gentleman’s club, Iwan Ries & Co., located at 19 S. Wabash Avenue, Chicago, IL... Since 1857, the third floor of Iwan Riese has served as a quiet sanctuary for the brainstorming of men of distinction. Hairy was a long standing member with a private locker filled with Cuban cigars and rare single malt Scotch whisky. After they were settled in comfortable leather chairs in a secluded corner, clinked crystal whisky glasses and lit some very fine cigars, Hairy said, “Tell me more about ‘Sociopath Insurance’.”

Harry replied, “It’s a fascinating concept that could make you rich and famous; and help improve the World’s quality of life, if you can make it happen. It might even make you a hero. Mental health professionals refer to sociopathy as a non-correctable disfigurement of character that afflicts 4% of the population. These people have no conscience and are capable of extremely immoral acts. They are masters of manipulation. The problem is that a sociopath is almost impossible to recognize before they have hurt you, and sometimes, before they kill you!

Hairy said, “My God, these people are hidden terrorist!"

“Yeah, and not only that”, said Harry, “They wreak havoc on our economy.”

“How the hell do they do that?” asked Hairy.

“Simple, because they have no conscience, they are good at stabbing people in the back and rise to the top of the financial services industry where they do harm. Consider this: U S bank JP Morgan Chase has agreed to a record $13 billion settlement for misleading investors during the housing crisis. Although the settlement concludes the government’s civil investigation, a criminal investigation by the Department of Justice is continuing! And consider this: The European Commission has fined eight banks a total of 1.7 billion Euros for forming illegal cartels to rig interest rates. 

Big banks and big insurance companies are almost always run by these insane Sociopaths. We need to do something about this!”

To Be Continued…     

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT, HAIRY RISK TAKER

As he flew back home, Hairy was thinking about the Director’s instructions, “Go back to Chicago; maintain your cover as an insurance agent.” He was thinking that he was bored with the insurance game. He wanted something new to break the monotony. He had done it all, from Terrorist Insurance to Kidnap and Ransom Insurance and everything in between. He wanted to invent a new kind of insurance but he couldn’t think of one. He decided to call his friend, the Freelance Thinker. He hit the speed dial button on his secretly coded satellite phone and when the Freelance Thinker answered he said, “Hello Harry, this is Hairy”.
“Yeah Hairy, what can I do for you?”
 “I need some creativity help. I want to invent a new type of insurance but can’t think of one.”

“Well, my friend”, said Harry, “Considering that there are four thousand insurance companies and thousands of insurance types already in existence, that’s not going to be easy.”
 “Yeah, I know” said Hairy. “That’s why I called the famous Freelance Thinker. Help me out here.”
 “Okay, I do have an idea that might work for you. We will call it Sociopath Insurance. It will indemnify a policyholder for damage, loss, or injury caused by a sociopath. This is a real need in our society but no one has come up with protection for this serious loss exposure.”
 Hairy asked, “What the hell is the lose exposure?”
 Harry answered, “Sociopaths are dangerous people in our midst who sometimes destroy the lives of others. They are charming, manipulative, have no remorse for hurting others, lie to get what they want, and have no concern about the welfare of other people. They will secretly do horrible things to promote their self interest.”
 Hairy said, “Wow! I could use some of that insurance!"

To be continued…

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Like a soldier during war time, sometimes, as an espionage agent for his country, Hairy was justified in committing murder, but he never felt good about it. Not only was he justified, he was obligated to carry out the orders of the NAS Director. He rationalized breaking the fifth commandment by telling himself it was his duty to protect the United States from its enemies. With mixed emotions, he called the Director and said, “Mission accomplished. Luckypinko is as dead as a hockey puck.” The Director said, “Nice job, Hairy, we will now be able to stop the President from bankrupting our country. Get out of Belarus as quickly as possible. Go back to Chicago; maintain your cover as an insurance agent. I will be contacting you with your next mission.

The Director visited the President in the Oval Office. He told him, “The jig is up! We know all about your mission to establish a new world order of communism. Your control agent has been assassinated. You will no longer be receiving instructions from the Belarusians. Unless you want to be arrested and put to death for treason, you will take instructions from me until the end of your second term. Your first order of business is to create a balanced budget and stop borrowing money. The second order of business is to eliminate the socialistic programs that are destroying our citizens’ ability to take care of themselves. With the money that is saved, you will pay down the national debt so our future freedom is reestablished.”  The President said, “Okay, I guess you got me.”

To be continued…

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Hairy learned from Vadislav and Mikalaj that Alexander Lukypinko was an avid amateur hockey player who played in a pick up game every Saturday at the Minsk Hockey Rink. They decided that was the best venu for making Luckypinko unlucky. Vad and Mik were members of the same club as Alex,so it made for a perfect opportunity. On the fateful day, they took Hairy, as a guest, to the Hockey Rink and outfitted him with skates and equipment. Some of the members of the Dynama ice hockey team were there for a practice session. Alex had not  yet arrived. Hairy was introduced to some of the Dynama players and was able to blend into the crowed.

When Alex arrived, Mik invited him to join their group for a friendly game. Alex enthusiastically joined the group. He was excited about the opportunity to play with such talented players. They chose up sides and did a face-off. It was the Reds versus the Whites. Hairy was a White Team Player and Alex was a Red Team Player. The score was two to two when Hairy made his move. He checked Alex against the boards, held him there while he surreptitiously injected a slow acting, deadly poison into his left butt cheek. With no one the wiser, the game went on to a friendly conclusion. Later that night, Alex dropped dead during dinner.

To be continued..
                            

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Drinking vodka and mingling with the locals at the nightclub, Hairy learned that in Belarus it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. In other words, it was just like every other place in the world! The more vodka he drank, the more friends he made. The Belarusians were friendly, strong, and really good hockey players. They were Slavic people, also known as White Russians. They are Nordic in physical appearances with fair skin, blue eyes, and bond hair. Originally they were known as “the glorious ones.” Hairy liked them a lot!

Hairy became friends with two hockey players_ Vadislav and Mikalaj. He recruited them to help him do away with Alexander Lukypinko. They were not fans of Lukypinko. They felt he was an unfair Tsar who needed to be removed from power. Hairy promised to do just that with a few tap dance steps. Vadislav and Mikalaj were also excellent dancers and were anxious to help. They all went back to the Minsk Hotel to sober up and plan the dance party. Hairy was pleased with his new allies and looked forward to tomorrow’s activities.

To be continued...
                                      BEST NIGHTCLUB IN MINSK

  VADISLAV AND MIKALAI WITH THEIR GIRL FRIENDS AT THE DOZARI CLUB                                 

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR, HAIRY RISK TAKER

                 VIEW FROM HAIRY'S JET OF MINSK

As he flew into the airport at Minsk, Capital of Belarus, Hairy reviewed what he knew about Minsk. Besides being the Capital of Belarus, it has become the headquarters of the Russian Independent States. Therefore, it is more influential than Moscow. Thus, Putin is subordinate to Lukypinko. Much has changed in the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics since it disintegrated and became the Russian Commonwealth consisting of nine member states. It is confusing even to the remaining member states. Hairy knew that he faced an enormous challenge in finding Lukypinko, let alone getting him to dance.

                           
                                   Hairy booked a room at the Minsk Hotel

After getting settled in his hotel, Hairy decided to visit a local night club to see some authentic Russian Folk Dancing. He needed to relax before starting to look for Lukypinko. Also, he thought he might be able to make some friends by drinking some vodka.

                                        

To be continued...                       Click on image to enlarge.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Lakopa Italeli withdrew Tuvalu’s declaration of war against the United States and thanked Hairy for helping him to understand the controversial issue of Global Warming. They shook hands and Hairy left in peace. As his jet cleared the end of the runway, he called Warren to inform him  there was nothing to worry about. Warren expressed gratitude but said, “The NSA Director has been trying to reach you. You better give him a call. Hairy said to himself, “good grief, what, now?”

The NSA Director is a busy man with heavy responsibilities. Only a few people in the world have access to him; Hairy is one of them. Disguised as an insurance agent, he is their top secret agent, the only one licensed to tap dance. The Director’s alias is Patrick Dennis Fero. No one knows his real name. He is a tall, handsome man with an I Q that is off the charts. He and Hairy are both Chess Grand Masters and enjoy fighting to a draw, occasionally. Patrick picked up the phone after the first ring and said, “Where the hell ya been?” Hairy said, “You know damn well where I been. After all, you are the one who put a miniature GPS transponder up my ass.” “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”

Patrick had an amazing story to tell. Hairy listened carefully. Forbes magazine called Vladimir Putin the most powerful man in the world but Patrick said he was only a figurehead. He is a puppet under the control of the President of the Republic of Belarus, Alexander Lukypinko. Mr. Lukypinko is the hidden Tsar of the communist world. He is the architect of a devious plan to transform the United States into a new world order of communism. To accomplish his goal, he is using an undercover communist agent by the name of President Obama! Obama has been instructed to keep borrowing money until the U.S. becomes bankrupt. Then, the communist can easily take over the country and begin spreading the wealth. Hairy exclaimed, “That dirty puke! Whada ya want me to do?” “Go on a ‘vacation’ to Belarus; get into a position where you can tap dance on this bastard.”

To be contined…

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO, HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

Lakopa grinned at Hairy and said, “Thank you for understanding your hopeless situation. We demand that the United States award honorary citizenship to the 12,000 people of Tuvula, making them eligible for all your welfare benefits including free health care and free housing in sunny, Southern California. All moving expenses shall be paid by your government. Also, we will be exempt from taxation and military service and be eligible for free education at any university in Southern California. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, we want free movie passes to see any Hollywood movies. And that’s all we want. Pretty reasonable, don’t you think?"

Hairy told Lakopa that he might be able to get the free movie tickets for them but the rest of his demands were totally unreasonable. Hairy explained that the Global Warming Controversy is more about politics than it is about the weather. A government subsidy to climatologists completely corrupts the so called “consensus” of scientist opinions about Global warming being caused by man. The truth is nobody knows for sure what causes Global Warming. Big governments want an excuse to put more taxes on industry and small governments want an excuse to ask for reparation from large industrial nations. In reality, there are many intelligent people who believe that man’s activities have nothing to do with climate change. Climate change is caused by natural cycles in our world and do not threaten our existence. The Tuvula Islands are in no danger of disappearing under the waves. As a matter of fact, researchers in New Zealand have proved that your islands are actually getting larger in spite of a small rise in sea levels. “Oh, and by the way, Lakopa, I am calling your bluff about casting a spell on our president,” said Hairy. "I don’t think you can do it!"

To be continued…

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Tuvula Governor General, Lakopa
Italeli , demanding that the U.S. surender!

  

After dinner, Lakopa escorted Hairy to a small conference room with comfortable chairs. Once they were seated he asked, “What would you like to know?” Hairy said, “Why have you declared war against the United States?” Lakopa calmly explained, “Your country is the biggest cause of Global Warming which has a catastrophic future effect on Tuvula’s low lying islands. It is causing a rise in the sea level from thermal expansion and the melting of the planet’s ice caps. Since we are only 15 feet above sea level, it won’t be long before we are under water, and I’m not talking about a bad mortgage! Your reckless release of massive amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere will cause our Island Nation to disappear. We want compensation or we will unleash our secret weapon and destroy the United States of America.”                                                                                                                                                                                               

“Okay”, said Hairy, “I understand the reasoning behind your declaration of war. Now, explain to me this ‘secret weapon’ that you claim to have.” Lakopa said, “It is not just an idle threat. We Polynesians have a sacred supernatural power called ‘Mana’. It is a force distinct from physical power and it can be used to great advantage by us when we are threatened with extinction. The spirits allow us to use this magical power in warfare_ thus, our declaration of war. If our demands are not met, we will cast a spell on President Obama that will make him borrow a couple of trillion dollars from China and give it to the nation of Tuvula as foreign aid. The U. S. will be forced into bankruptcy and the citizens of Tuvula will have enough cash to take over the United States.” “Wow!” said Hairy, “You Island people seem to have the upper hand. I guess my next and last question is, what are your demands?

To be continued...

CHAPTER TWENTY, HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

As Hairy was flying to Tuvalu in his private jet, he began reminiscing about his relationship with Warren. They had a long standing friendship based on business. Warren was the second wealthiest man in the United States and owned the largest insurance company in the world, Berkshire Insurance. Hairy was the most famous high risk insurance agent in the world and had saved Warren’s bacon more than once. Even though Warren had a war clause exclusion in all his insurance contracts, he was afraid that Tuvalu’s “secret weapon” might not be defined as an act of war. Just in case, Warren wanted Hairy to arrange reinsurance and use his expertise to eliminate the risk. And Warren was concerned about the future of the United States for obvious reasons. More importantly, Warren did not want anything to disrupt his company’s  amazing record of 48 years of 19% annual growth!

When Hairy’s plane arrived at the Funafuti International Airport, it had to make several passes to wake up the natives who were napping on the runway. Natives often sleep on the runway to avoid their hot, overcrowded houses. The average year round temperature is 85 degrees, both day and night. After the runway was cleared, the plane landed and pulled up to the terminal building. 

The Governor General, Lakopa Italeli,  met Hairy and took him to the Government bldg.  

                                                   

                            

After enjoying a meal of coconut crabs, they got down to discussing the declaration of war.

                                                             To be continued....   

CHAPTER NINETEEN, HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

Chief Ololiuhqui was happy with the Governor’s offer of Obama Care for all the Indians and a proper holiday honoring Chief Sitting Bull. After Hairy and he smoked the peace pipe (a fine cigar) Hairy and his mule started back down the mountain. He was about half way down when his satellite phone started ringing. Hairy was surprised to see on his caller I.D. screen that the caller was his old friend, Warren Buffet. “Hello Warren, how can I help you?’ Warren said, “I think you are the only person in the world that can help me.” Hairy said, “Thanks for the complement but tell me what’s happening.” Well, to begin with the President has managed to piss off all our, ‘used to be’, allies and completely screwed up the launching of his Health Care program. And he has managed to increase the federal debt ceiling which puts us in danger of future bankruptcy.” Hairy said, “Yeah, I know all about that stuff but its old news. Tell me what’s really got you riled up.” Warren said, “Okay, but you had better sit down on your mule before I tell you the shocking news.”

Hairy said, “ I’m ready. Go ahead.” Warren said, “A country has declared war against the United States!” “Holy shit; who is it?”  “The name of the country is Tuvalu and their Capital city is Funafuti.” Hairy said, “Never heard of em. Where they located?” “It is a tiny island country located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.” Hairy said, “That doesn’t sound like much of a threat. Do they have an army, a navy, and an air force?” Warren said, “They have a police department, a fishing boat, and a runway that hasn’t been used since WW2.” “So what’s the problem”, said Hairy. Warren said, They claim to have a secret weapon which will destroy America if we don’t give in to their demands.” Hairy said, “So you want me to go over there to see what demands they have and try to find out what their secret weapon is, right? Warren said, “You got it. I knew I could count on you”

To be continued…

                              

                            Sunset on Fongafale island, Tuvalu.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Hairy took the Chief's demands back to the Governor for his consideration. The Governor said, “Let’s see if I understand all the demands of that crazy Indian: He wants me to ratify an 1852 treaty granting the Cahuilla control of their lands. He wants the state of California to pay reparation to all the California Indians because they were denied their right to vote from 1924 until 1953. He wants me to declare a holiday honoring Chief Sitting Bull. And if I refuse his demands, he will blow up a mountain, causing an earthquake which will dump Los Angeles into the Pacific Ocean. Does that about cover it?” Hairy said, “Yes, you’ve got it.” The Governor said, “I don’t have the authority to do all of that. I thought he just wanted the old treaty ratified. I think I can do that.”

Hairy said, “Here’s my suggestion. You tell the Chief that you will give free health care to all the Indians and it will be guaranteed by President Obama. This is a huge gift that more than makes up for the temporary loss of voting rights and the double cross on the old treaty. Then, you declare a bull shit Holiday declaring Sitting Bull a hero to all the Indian Nations.” The Governor exclaimed, “My God, Hairy, that is absolutely brilliant! Do you think the Chief will be satisfied with that offer?” Hairy said, “I think so, especially if I go back with more whiskey and cigars to make your offer.”

To be continued…

“I do not wish to be shut up in a corral. All reservation Indians I have seen are worthless. They are neither red warriors nor white farmers. They are neither wolf nor dog."_ Chief Sitting Bull

                                                           

                                                                       CHIEF SITTING BULL

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN, HAIRY RISK TAKER

                                  CHIEF OLOLIUHQUI

The next morning, after all the whiskey was gone, Hairy taught the Chief how to tap dance and the Chief taught Hairy how to do the war dance. Then, Hairy asked the Chief, “Do you have any other reservations about negotiating with the Governor of California?” The Chief replied, “Yes, there is a condition that must be met before I will consider any proposal.” Hairy felt he was making progress so, he said, “What is it?” The Chief said, “California effectively denied the right of Indians to vote until 1953. This was a travesty, considering the fact that the Federal Citizenship Act of 1924 granted voting rights to Indians. Because of this illegal discrimination, the State should pay some reparation to Indians.” “Wow, Chief, you learned your history at Harvard” said Hairy.

“Speaking of history”, said the Chief, “there is a great Indian warrior, by the name of Chief Sitting Bull, who deserves to be honored with a holiday. He is much more deserving than Columbus”. Hairy said, “What did he do?” Chief Ololiuhqui explained, “He defeated General Custer in 1876 at the Battle of Little Bighorn.” “Why is that a big deal”, asked Hairy. “I will tell you,” said the Chief. “Custer was an Indian killer who was the personification of evil. He, unjustly, raided small villages and killed women and children. He was famous for his ill-treatment of Native American Tribes. He was a murderous no good dirty puke! He got his comeuppance when Sitting Bull’s warriors massacred Custer and his 700 soldiers. Sitting Bull deserves a national holiday!" Hairy said, “You are setting some very tough terms but I will see what I can do."  

To be continued…

             

 

CHAPTER SIXTEEN OF HAIRY RISK TAKER

Hairy brought in a box of fine cigars and a case of premium whiskey. Then, he sat down on the bear rug and said, “I hope we can smoke cigars as if they are a peace pipe and drink whiskey until we reach an amicable agreement.” Chief Ololiuhqui said, “Well, I have some reservations.” As he poured two glasses of whiskey, and handed one plus a cigar to the chief, Hairy said, “I am not surprised that you have reservations. Tell me about them”. The Chief said, “This is the white man’s holiday, Columbus Day. Indians hate this holiday! Columbus brought Europeans with diseases that decimated the natives. Then, the Europeans conquered the weakened natives and stole their land. Indians consider Columbus to be more evil than Hitler. The people who followed the explorer to America are guilty of something worse than the Nazi Holocaust.”

 

Hairy said, “I apologize for picking a bad day to negotiate with you. I didn’t realize that this is Columbus Day. Let’s just sip this good whiskey and become friends. When the ‘holiday’ is over, I will make my proposal for your consideration.” The Chief said, “The white man has broken his promises to the Indians so many times, it is difficult for me to trust you; but I will listen to what you have to say. Google says that you are an honest and trustworthy man. I understand that you are a world class tap dancer. Tomorrow, when the whiskey is gone, I will teach you the Cahuilla Indian War Dance. Hairy said, “Hey, that sounds great! By the way, I have a difficult time pronouncing Ololiuhqui. May I use your first name? “Yes, no problem. It is Chavatangakwunua. You may call me Chavat”, replied the Chief.

To be continued…

HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

                           CHAPTER      FIFTEEN  






                                                            

                      
        
Hairy, who was a quick study, had a high IQ, and a photographic memory, used Google to learn the language of the Cahuilla Indians and their system of smoke signal communications. He built a fire behind the hotel, took a blanket from the bed in his room and sent a message to Chief Ololiuhqui, “I have whiskey and cigars and wish to have powwow. Where can we meet?” Using smoke signals Chief Ololiuhqui replied, “Meet me at the stone hut at the summit of San Jacinto Mountain Peak”.

Using his room blanket and the smoke from the fire, Hairy replied, I will be there in 12 hours. See you then.”

Hairy and his pack mule took the shortest route up to Mt. San Jacinto. It was a steep trail that climbed 4,600 feet in 6 miles. By climbing relentlessly, he made it in 12 hours. After tying up his pack mule, he entered the hut and was pleased to see the chief sitting on a bear skin rug. Hairy said, “How” in the language of the Cahuilla. Chief Ololiuhqui said, “Don’t give me that shit. Let’s speak English. I graduated magna cum loud from Harvard. Where is the whiskey and cigars?" Hairy said, "Well, excuse me! I will bring them in and we can get started."

To be continued…