CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Like a soldier during war time, sometimes, as an espionage agent for his country, Hairy was justified in committing murder, but he never felt good about it. Not only was he justified, he was obligated to carry out the orders of the NAS Director. He rationalized breaking the fifth commandment by telling himself it was his duty to protect the United States from its enemies. With mixed emotions, he called the Director and said, “Mission accomplished. Luckypinko is as dead as a hockey puck.” The Director said, “Nice job, Hairy, we will now be able to stop the President from bankrupting our country. Get out of Belarus as quickly as possible. Go back to Chicago; maintain your cover as an insurance agent. I will be contacting you with your next mission.

The Director visited the President in the Oval Office. He told him, “The jig is up! We know all about your mission to establish a new world order of communism. Your control agent has been assassinated. You will no longer be receiving instructions from the Belarusians. Unless you want to be arrested and put to death for treason, you will take instructions from me until the end of your second term. Your first order of business is to create a balanced budget and stop borrowing money. The second order of business is to eliminate the socialistic programs that are destroying our citizens’ ability to take care of themselves. With the money that is saved, you will pay down the national debt so our future freedom is reestablished.”  The President said, “Okay, I guess you got me.”

To be continued…

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Hairy learned from Vadislav and Mikalaj that Alexander Lukypinko was an avid amateur hockey player who played in a pick up game every Saturday at the Minsk Hockey Rink. They decided that was the best venu for making Luckypinko unlucky. Vad and Mik were members of the same club as Alex,so it made for a perfect opportunity. On the fateful day, they took Hairy, as a guest, to the Hockey Rink and outfitted him with skates and equipment. Some of the members of the Dynama ice hockey team were there for a practice session. Alex had not  yet arrived. Hairy was introduced to some of the Dynama players and was able to blend into the crowed.

When Alex arrived, Mik invited him to join their group for a friendly game. Alex enthusiastically joined the group. He was excited about the opportunity to play with such talented players. They chose up sides and did a face-off. It was the Reds versus the Whites. Hairy was a White Team Player and Alex was a Red Team Player. The score was two to two when Hairy made his move. He checked Alex against the boards, held him there while he surreptitiously injected a slow acting, deadly poison into his left butt cheek. With no one the wiser, the game went on to a friendly conclusion. Later that night, Alex dropped dead during dinner.

To be continued..
                            

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Drinking vodka and mingling with the locals at the nightclub, Hairy learned that in Belarus it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. In other words, it was just like every other place in the world! The more vodka he drank, the more friends he made. The Belarusians were friendly, strong, and really good hockey players. They were Slavic people, also known as White Russians. They are Nordic in physical appearances with fair skin, blue eyes, and bond hair. Originally they were known as “the glorious ones.” Hairy liked them a lot!

Hairy became friends with two hockey players_ Vadislav and Mikalaj. He recruited them to help him do away with Alexander Lukypinko. They were not fans of Lukypinko. They felt he was an unfair Tsar who needed to be removed from power. Hairy promised to do just that with a few tap dance steps. Vadislav and Mikalaj were also excellent dancers and were anxious to help. They all went back to the Minsk Hotel to sober up and plan the dance party. Hairy was pleased with his new allies and looked forward to tomorrow’s activities.

To be continued...
                                      BEST NIGHTCLUB IN MINSK

  VADISLAV AND MIKALAI WITH THEIR GIRL FRIENDS AT THE DOZARI CLUB                                 

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR, HAIRY RISK TAKER

                 VIEW FROM HAIRY'S JET OF MINSK

As he flew into the airport at Minsk, Capital of Belarus, Hairy reviewed what he knew about Minsk. Besides being the Capital of Belarus, it has become the headquarters of the Russian Independent States. Therefore, it is more influential than Moscow. Thus, Putin is subordinate to Lukypinko. Much has changed in the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics since it disintegrated and became the Russian Commonwealth consisting of nine member states. It is confusing even to the remaining member states. Hairy knew that he faced an enormous challenge in finding Lukypinko, let alone getting him to dance.

                           
                                   Hairy booked a room at the Minsk Hotel

After getting settled in his hotel, Hairy decided to visit a local night club to see some authentic Russian Folk Dancing. He needed to relax before starting to look for Lukypinko. Also, he thought he might be able to make some friends by drinking some vodka.

                                        

To be continued...                       Click on image to enlarge.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Lakopa Italeli withdrew Tuvalu’s declaration of war against the United States and thanked Hairy for helping him to understand the controversial issue of Global Warming. They shook hands and Hairy left in peace. As his jet cleared the end of the runway, he called Warren to inform him  there was nothing to worry about. Warren expressed gratitude but said, “The NSA Director has been trying to reach you. You better give him a call. Hairy said to himself, “good grief, what, now?”

The NSA Director is a busy man with heavy responsibilities. Only a few people in the world have access to him; Hairy is one of them. Disguised as an insurance agent, he is their top secret agent, the only one licensed to tap dance. The Director’s alias is Patrick Dennis Fero. No one knows his real name. He is a tall, handsome man with an I Q that is off the charts. He and Hairy are both Chess Grand Masters and enjoy fighting to a draw, occasionally. Patrick picked up the phone after the first ring and said, “Where the hell ya been?” Hairy said, “You know damn well where I been. After all, you are the one who put a miniature GPS transponder up my ass.” “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”

Patrick had an amazing story to tell. Hairy listened carefully. Forbes magazine called Vladimir Putin the most powerful man in the world but Patrick said he was only a figurehead. He is a puppet under the control of the President of the Republic of Belarus, Alexander Lukypinko. Mr. Lukypinko is the hidden Tsar of the communist world. He is the architect of a devious plan to transform the United States into a new world order of communism. To accomplish his goal, he is using an undercover communist agent by the name of President Obama! Obama has been instructed to keep borrowing money until the U.S. becomes bankrupt. Then, the communist can easily take over the country and begin spreading the wealth. Hairy exclaimed, “That dirty puke! Whada ya want me to do?” “Go on a ‘vacation’ to Belarus; get into a position where you can tap dance on this bastard.”

To be contined…

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO, HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

Lakopa grinned at Hairy and said, “Thank you for understanding your hopeless situation. We demand that the United States award honorary citizenship to the 12,000 people of Tuvula, making them eligible for all your welfare benefits including free health care and free housing in sunny, Southern California. All moving expenses shall be paid by your government. Also, we will be exempt from taxation and military service and be eligible for free education at any university in Southern California. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, we want free movie passes to see any Hollywood movies. And that’s all we want. Pretty reasonable, don’t you think?"

Hairy told Lakopa that he might be able to get the free movie tickets for them but the rest of his demands were totally unreasonable. Hairy explained that the Global Warming Controversy is more about politics than it is about the weather. A government subsidy to climatologists completely corrupts the so called “consensus” of scientist opinions about Global warming being caused by man. The truth is nobody knows for sure what causes Global Warming. Big governments want an excuse to put more taxes on industry and small governments want an excuse to ask for reparation from large industrial nations. In reality, there are many intelligent people who believe that man’s activities have nothing to do with climate change. Climate change is caused by natural cycles in our world and do not threaten our existence. The Tuvula Islands are in no danger of disappearing under the waves. As a matter of fact, researchers in New Zealand have proved that your islands are actually getting larger in spite of a small rise in sea levels. “Oh, and by the way, Lakopa, I am calling your bluff about casting a spell on our president,” said Hairy. "I don’t think you can do it!"

To be continued…

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE, HAIRY RISK TAKER

Tuvula Governor General, Lakopa
Italeli , demanding that the U.S. surender!

  

After dinner, Lakopa escorted Hairy to a small conference room with comfortable chairs. Once they were seated he asked, “What would you like to know?” Hairy said, “Why have you declared war against the United States?” Lakopa calmly explained, “Your country is the biggest cause of Global Warming which has a catastrophic future effect on Tuvula’s low lying islands. It is causing a rise in the sea level from thermal expansion and the melting of the planet’s ice caps. Since we are only 15 feet above sea level, it won’t be long before we are under water, and I’m not talking about a bad mortgage! Your reckless release of massive amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere will cause our Island Nation to disappear. We want compensation or we will unleash our secret weapon and destroy the United States of America.”                                                                                                                                                                                               

“Okay”, said Hairy, “I understand the reasoning behind your declaration of war. Now, explain to me this ‘secret weapon’ that you claim to have.” Lakopa said, “It is not just an idle threat. We Polynesians have a sacred supernatural power called ‘Mana’. It is a force distinct from physical power and it can be used to great advantage by us when we are threatened with extinction. The spirits allow us to use this magical power in warfare_ thus, our declaration of war. If our demands are not met, we will cast a spell on President Obama that will make him borrow a couple of trillion dollars from China and give it to the nation of Tuvula as foreign aid. The U. S. will be forced into bankruptcy and the citizens of Tuvula will have enough cash to take over the United States.” “Wow!” said Hairy, “You Island people seem to have the upper hand. I guess my next and last question is, what are your demands?

To be continued...