Thursday, February 27, 2014

THE AVERAGE AMERICAN MAN, CHAPTER ONE

Tom asked the mysterious man, “What do you mean you can help me become the man I want to be? Are you a telemarketer trying to sell me something?”  “No, my name is John Locke. I am a philosopher who wants the average American to use reason to search after truth rather than simply accept the opinion of authorities or be subject to superstition. I need you, as the average American man, to lead the way to modern enlightenment. I am offering you an opportunity to save the United States from oblivion caused by moral decay.” Tom said, “Hey, I’m just an average guy. How the hell can I save the country?” John said, “I belong to a powerful group of Philosophers who will teach and guide you in this important endeavor. I’m the guy who taught Thomas Jefferson how to write the Declaration of Independence and the U. S. Constitution.”Tom exclaimed, Boise Idaho and Walla Walla Washington! Those are pretty darn good credentials. Okay, I’ll give it a try. Where do you guys want to meet?”  John said; let’s have dinner at Churchill’s Cigar Bar in Birmingham.” Tom said, “Okay, you’re on!”
                                  To be continued

“Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours.” 
― John Locke

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

THE AVERAGE AMERICAN MAN, A NOVEL

                PROLOGUE TO THE AVERAGE AMERICAN MAN,

                                                   A NOVEL


 Heroes aren't always geniuses or supermen. Sometimes they are ordinary people. This story is about a quintessential average man who is given a chance to save the world. He is a white guy, 5ft. 9in, 179lbs., American, age 38, middle class, heterosexual , married with 2 children, some college but no degree, not quite physically fit, Type B personality, Independent/Democrat. In other words, he is the average American. He is someone who is in the Nations majority and is living a life of quiet desperation. He says he believes in God but like the majority of American men his age, he does not attend church.

Our hero’s name is Tom Thomson. He owns a 3 bedroom home in Adrian, Michigan. He has been a successful insurance salesman for 13 years but regrets not finishing college. He thinks he could have accomplished more if he had not joined the Air Force right out of High school. He makes as much money as Lawyers and Doctors but does not feel fulfilled. He is looking for an opportunity to change his occupation to one that is more rewarding. He would like to be a professional who is working at making the world a better place. But he is not sure what that job would be. One day, Tom gets a phone call from a mysterious man who says, “I can help you become the man you want to be.”

To be continued in installments...

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

THE FINAL CHAPTER



Tina and Tarina were surprised and pleased to find out that Hairy's favorite neighborhood bar was on Seven Mile Beach in the Cayman Islands. They were delighted when Hairy flew them down there for a strategy meeting. They decided that they would spend the rest of their lives checking the quality of drinks on the Islands.  


Photo , cayman Beach Bars , grand cayman Beach Bars , cayman islands Beach Bars , cayman Beach Bars , grand cayman Beach Bars , cayman island Beach Bars

Thanks to Hairy, American tourists can get an honest drink when visiting the Islands. He was happy with his life long accomplishments. Tina and Tarina adored him and they all lived happily forevermore.
                          THE END
Seven Mile Beach hotels

Thursday, February 13, 2014

If your neighborhood bar waters down your drinks, it is a violation of trust and a form of bartender malpractice. Bartenders have a sacred obligation to their customers that is similar to the relationship of a psychiatrist to his patients. He should be trying to help you feel better, not stealing from you. Charging for a drink that is not all there is tantamount to stealing. It is a crime and crime is evil so Hairy set out to eliminate it!

Hairy recruited two professional bartenders to assist him in his endeavor. Not only were Tina and Tarina famous bartenders, they were also beautiful women who were highly effective bodyguards for Hairy. They met at Hairy’s favorite neighborhood bar to plan their campaign:

    

Sunday, February 9, 2014

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

After dropping Teach off in Houston, Hairy went home to his Chicago Penthouse to brood about his battle against evil. He was in a philosophical funk because he had become confused about the definition of evil. Cultures, religions, nations, historical times, all have different concepts about the nature of evil. If there is not a consensus of opinion on the subject, how do you decide which are the greater evils to attack? Hairy was pretty sure he was justified in attacking the Big Bankers and the Illegal Drug Cartels but he was having a difficult time deciding on which kind of evil should be the next one to go after.
Questions about “good and evil” have to do with morality and that is also a very fuzzy subject. Morality refers to a code of conduct put forward by a society or a group, such as a religion, or accepted by an individual for his own behavior.  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is an ideal morality code for rational people. However, not all people are rational. And then, how do you define rational? Lots of loop holes and uncertainties to deal with! Hairy came to the decision that political leaders, such as Adolf Hitler, who start unjust wars between nations, are probably at the top of the “Evil List”. However, Hairy did not think he was ready to take on such a momentous task so he decided to look for a less challenging project. Maybe bars that put water in their top shelf whiskies would be a good one?


To be continued…
                                  Extermination of Evil !

Monday, February 3, 2014

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Bejesus, Dopey, and Coke Head, assembled in front of their runway building and waited for the Gulfstream to land. It was their plan to kill the pilot and his body guard and steal the plane. Bejesus jokingly said, “How often do we get a chance to have a ten million dollar airplane for free?”

“Yeah,” said Dopey, “It’s like stealing candy from a baby.”
  
Coke Head said, “This is too easy. I’m afraid of a trap!”

   “Nonsense”, said Bejesus, “What can they do? We have 6 bodyguards with   machine pistols. You are paranoid from all the cocaine you been snorting.”            

After the Gulfstream landed, Teach’s motorcycle growled, shot down the ramp, accelerated to 143 mph, straight at the drug lords. Teach fired all 60 of the 9mm Zombie Stopper rounds in a raking pattern that instantly killed all 9 men. Then he braked, dipped, counter steered into a controlled slide and raced back toward the plane while firing the taillight gun to cover his escape. After driving back up the ramp, He said, “I shot the Bejesus out of the Cartel and the Office of Envigato is closed for business!

Hairy said, “Thanks to you, the world is a better place" and pointed the Gulfstream back towards Houston.


To be continued…


Saturday, February 1, 2014

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Diego Murillo Bejesus, was the new leader of the drug cartel. Los Dopey and Don Coke Head were his partners. They operated out of a thousand acre ranch near Envigado that had a 5000 feet runway. They were always interested in recruiting new pilots to fly cocaine for them into the States. Hairy arranged a meeting with Bejesus in Houston to discuss the possibility of using his Gulfstream G150 to fly huge loads into a remote air strip in Texas. Bejesus jumped at the chance and offered to pay $500,000 per load. Hairy said that sounded good to him but he wanted to meet with all 3 of the drug partners to shake on it. Bejesus gave Hairy the latitude and longitude of his ranch runway and said, “I’ll see you in 3 days.” Hairy said, “Is it okay if I bring my body guard? Bejesus said, “Sure, we will have 6 of our bodyguards there, as well.”

Teach and Hairy immediately began necessary modifications of the Gulfstream. They added an auxiliary gas tank so that they could fly there and back without refueling. Then, they converted the air stairs into a ramp so that Teach’s motorcycle could easily be ridden off and back on the airplane. At the appointed time, they were circling the ranch runway and preparing to land. Hairy asked Teach, “How you feelin?” Teach said, “The last time I felt this excited, I was dancing the Fandango with a beautiful Cajun woman! “ All right Teach, get ready to dance!” Hairy landed, stopped, opened the door, and all hell broke loose!!!!


To be continued…   

                           
Gulfstream G150