HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

                                            CHAPTER FIVE

Hairy rented a camel and rode on the Silk Road over to Giza. By using the terrorist tracking software provided by Google, he had determined that Muhammad ibn Saeed ibn al-Aziz al Filasteeni and Muhammad ABD-Al-AZIZ were hiding out in a belly dancing cabaret in the slums of Giza. Hairy tied up his camel in front of the Mena House Cabaret on El Ahram Street and went inside. Tahiya Karioka was on stage performing an exotic belly dance. Boy, she could really jiggle her tummy! He got a seat up front and ordered a glass of tea (Muslims do not drink alcoholic beverages). Earlier, Hairy had downloaded photographs of the two crazy bastards he was after. As he enjoyed his tea, he was unobtrusively scanning the audience. There were a lot of Muhammads in the crowd but not the two he wanted. He decided to enjoy the Show and wait to see if they showed up later.

Latter, they showed up! Hairy casually sat down at their table and began to insult them. He called them dogs. He called them pigs. He called them Jews. He called them crazy! They became so enraged that they pulled out their knives and chased him. He ran up onto the stage and stopped to face them. When they were almost to him, he began an incredible tap dance routine. At a furious pace, he tapped, stamped, stomped, and spun like a mad Turkish whirling dervish! The crowd applauded and the two crazy bastards were so mesmerized that they dropped their knives to clap. And that’s when Hairy kicked them to death with his magic shoes. Then Tahiya, who was really an NSA undercover agent named Jan Bollin, helped him escape through a secret passageway.

To be continued     

HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

                                                           CHAPTER FOUR
The morning after Hairy's arrival in Cairo, he was dressed casually and wearing his tap dancing shoes. They were leather oxfords with heavy steel toe taps and heels. In the states he had to register them as deadly weapons. He was clicking and clacking through the lobby of the Concord  El Sadam Hotel. He was half way through the elegant lobby when he turned into a quiet game room. There was a bearded man sitting alone in front of a chess table with 
a board set with Staunton pieces. He said,"ahlan wa sahlan". Hairy sat down and said "ahlan bik." The man was Patrick Dennis Fero, aka the Tsar." He was a chess master who was an undercover agent for NSA, and an old friend of Hairy's. His alias in Egypt was Amed U-Checkmeit. He had made friends with Muhammad Badie. For fear of listening devices, Hairy and Amed communicated with a complicated system of eye blinking. They were blinking furiously and Amed said that Badie was expected at any moment to watch the game.

Sure enough, a few moments later, Muhammad Badie walked into the room. After the usual Egyptian greeting, Amad introduced Hairy to Muhammad Badie. Hairy smiled and stood up. He gave Badie the customary limp hand shake and kissed him on each cheek. Then, he viciously head butted him in the face. Badie dropped to the floor like a limp dish rag. When he hit the floor, Hairy kicked him in the solar plexus and then in the temple. Badie was dead but there was no bloody mess on the floor. To show his excitement, Hairy did a stomp and a stamp and a Gene Kelly classic tap dance move. Amed gave him the universal thumbs up sign. Then they carried Badie outside and deposited him in the dumpster. Hairy said to Amed, "Tomorrow, I will find Muhammed ibn Saeed ibn al-Aziz al Filasteeni and Muhammad ABD-Al-AZIZ and tap dance them to death! 

To be continued... 

CHAPTER THREE OF HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

                                                       Chapter Three

                                        

                                                          Cairo, Egypt

Egyptair Flight MS986 was on its final approach to Cairo International Airport. A few minutes ago, Hairy had seen the Giza Pyramids in the distance. Now, the plane was banking over the Nile. After almost 11 hours in the air, Hairy was anxious to get his feet on the ground, even if it was the African desert. He was looking forward to freshening up at the Concord El Salam luxury hotel which was only 12.2 km from the airport. It was located in the up market suburb of Heliopolis. On the plane ride, Hairy had used the Berlitz language tapes to become fluent in Arabic so he had no difficulty telling the taxi driver the address of the hotel. After a half hour drive, the taxi pulled into an elegant, palm tree lined entrance in front of a handsome Georgian-inspired hotel with a gleaming white stucco exterior. Hairy was impressed. He had not expected such a graceful place in the middle of the desert. He thought, “No wonder it cost a thousand bucks a night!”

The hotel was a relaxing and enjoyable place for Hairy to recharge his batteries and get ready to dance. He decided to go for a ride on a thoroughbred Arabian horse, have a dip in the pool, a soothing massage by a gorgeous masseuse (heh, heh), a game of squash, a nap in his penthouse, and then indulge in English high tea. Then, by golly, he would be ready to dance! The pleasures at Concord El Salam are truly unrivaled. The evening diversions would include using the amazing software to track down those crazy bastards who wanted to sabotage the Chicago Nuclear Reactor. He could hardly wait to meet Muhammad ibn Saeed ibn Abd al-Aziz al-Filasteeni and Muhhammad ABD-AL-AZIZ. He would show them how to dance in the desert.

Hairy Risk Taker, A Novel

                                                         Chapter Two

                                   Flying South, over the Mediterranean Sea

Hairy was sitting in a comfortable first class seat on board Egyptair’s Flight MS986. He was on his way to the Arab Republic of Egypt. Cairo, which is home and headquarters for the Muslim Brotherhood, was his destination. He knew that the Brotherhood was behind the threat against the Chicago nuclear reactor. He also knew that the leader of Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood is a badie. Ironically, his name is Mahammad Badie. His credo is, “Allah is our objective, the Quran is our law, the Prophet is our leader, Jihad is our way, and death for the sake of Allah is the highest of our aspirations. Hairy planned to help Badie accomplish his aspiration. Killing the Badie would be the easiest part of his mission. The difficult part would be finding Muhammad ibn Saeed ibn Abd al-Aziz al-Filasteeni and ABD-AL-AZIZ . The potential saboteurs would be hiding among 80 million Muslims with beards and towels on their heads.

Before boarding his flight, Hairy got a phone call from Larry Page. Larry said, “Listen, I know you can dance and I know you can kick the shit out of those crazies but you are going to need help finding them. I know a self-described deviant philosopher software engineer who can help you. His name is Alex Karp. His startup company, Palantir, created the software that our boys used to find and kill Osama bin Laden. His stuff is the best terrorist tracking and data-mining machine in the world.” Hairy said, “Wow that sounds great. How do I get in touch with this guy?” Larry said, “You don’t have to. My messenger will deliver to you my latest souped-up notebook computer with all of Alek’s brilliant software on it.” Hairy said thanks and Larry said have a nice flight. Now, Hairy could use the eleven hours of flight time to do research and preparation. He would be ready to dance when he got to Cairo!

                    

HAIRY RISK TAKER, A NOVEL

                                               Chapter One

                                      August, 2013

There is no cause so hopeless, no creed so mad, and no idea so ludicrous that it will not attract some believers. Thus, we have the radical Muslims who are trying to destroy America. Fortunately, Hairy Risk Taker is helping the NSA, CIA, FBI, and Homeland Security to deal with these crazy but dangerous bastards. Hairy had just completed arranging insurance on a nuclear energy plant near the city of Chicago. He was happy with their loss control system and had recently approved their safety program. However, NSA informed him that they had just intercepted and recorded a phone conversation between Muhammad ibn Saeed ibn Abd al-Aziz al-Filasteeni and ABD-AL-AZIZ . They were discussing how they would sabotage the nuclear reactor and blow up the entire city of Chicago!

Hairy new that the resulting claim would blow through his reinsurance so he was forced to take action. He was intelligent, well educated and a good dancer so he wasn’t worried. He called up his good friend at Google, Larry Page, and asked him, “Do you have an algorithm for dealing with crazies?” Larry said, “No, we don’t. You have to track them down and kick the shit out of them." Hairy said, “I was afraid of that. I guess I will have to visit Cairo."

                                             To be continued…

FORWARD TO THE NOVEL, "HAIRY RISK TAKER"

In the technical jargon of the insurance industry, a risk exposure with “hair on it” is an exposure that is fraught with peril. It is a volatile and dangerous operation that is likely to result in huge property losses and enormous liability claims. Examples are fireworks manufacturers, grain elevators, oil refineries, gasoline tanker trucks, etc. Without the risk transfer mechanism of insurance, no one can afford to operate these hazardous businesses. Only a few agents and insurance companies specialize in this kind of risk. They are highly skilled at loss prevention, loss control and probability analysis. The salesmen who work in this field are experts at risk management, contract law, psychology, finances and the art of negotiation. And of course, they must be top salesmen.

The hero of this story chose the alias name of Hairy Risk Taker to emphasize his expertise. He is handsome, well built and charismatic. His cheerfulness and contentment with life gives him a youthful demeanor that exudes confidence. He is hated and feared by other insurance agents but loved by his clients. He also has skills that are unusual for insurance salesmen. He has black belts in six different martial arts and is a champion marksman with a hand gun. He uses these skills to fight corruption in the business world. He has some eccentricities but basically, he wants to make the world a better place. He is honorable, generous, and has a great sense of humor. The world is filled with unfairness and injustice. Risk Taker is motivated to straighten it out. Next week, we will begin his story.      

INSURANCE SALESMEN ARE UNSUNG HEROES

They contribute more to the world than lawyers, detectives, spies, adventurers, soldiers and scientists. But nobody writes novels about them or makes movies and TV shows about them. Why is that? They are unjustly made the butt of jokes and ridicule! Yet, by mitigating risk, insurance contributes materially to economic growth by improving the investment climate. Insurance does more for the well-being of people than any other factor. It is time to recognize and glorify these heroes of endurance who sell insurance. I have come to understand that they are among the bravest of us. They face on a daily basis what we all dread the most: flat, cold rejection. Yet they get up each morning and go out to do it again_move through a world where they usually are not welcome, usually are considered a nuisance.

To rectify this injustice, I have decided to write a bestselling novel about a Superhero who is disguised as a common insurance salesman. The title of my novel is HAIRY RISK TAKER. I plan to serialize it as a part of my blog. Hope you enjoy it and learn to respect “the man with endurance who sells insurance”.

                                   Dedicated to Micah Teets

                                                   

A REMARKABLE DAY IN MY PERSONAL HISTORY

Thirty nine years ago on August 8, 1974, I was at the University of Michigan Hospital assisting my wife, Nancy, in the natural child birth of triplets. It was the most astounding and frightening experience that I have ever had! We attended classes together in order to learn the Lamaze technique of natural child birth. It was developed in the 1940s by French obstetrician Dr. Lamaze. The goal of Lamaze was to increase a mother’s confidence in her ability to give birth without the use of medical intervention. It used focused breathing, movement, massage, with the assistance of her husband, to cope with pain and facilitate labor and promote comfort.

We had no idea that there was more than one baby. This was a time before ultra sound and our Doctor was hearing only one heart beat. Nancy became extremely large, so the Doctor ordered an x-ray. Yikes! One week before delivery, we learned we were having triplets. She was immediately checked into the hospital and the rest is history. Never before, had triplets been born at U of M Hospital by natural child birth. And never after that have triplets been born by natural child birth at U of M Hospital. Pant, Pant, blow, blow, massage, massage, push, push and voila! Three healthy babies arrived!! Marcy, Melody and Micah are celebrating their birthday, today.