Last week I was in Russia playing simultaneous chess games against Vladimir Kramnik and Veselin Topalov. They are, respectively, the Classical World Chess Champion and the FIDE World Chess Champion. Both are highly rated Russian Grand Masters. Russians are famous for being good at chess but Americans have had some great players as well. Remember Bobby Fischer? He beat all the Russians to become World Champion. My goal was to embarrass the Russian Champions by beating both of them at the same time in an exhibition match while being blindfolded. It was quite an ambitious undertaking but I managed to pull it off. I checkmated both champions on move number 18 with a clever combination involving both of my knights. When I removed my blindfold, the crowd roared its approval! Of course, the victory celebration involved a huge quantity of vodka, which left me with a brutal hangover.
Two days later I was in New York to play in a duplicate bridge tournament with my partner, George Teller. In the last round of play, we were matched against Omar Sheriff and Phillip Alder. I opened the bidding with 2 clubs and George answered with a jump bid in spades. After using the Blackwood convention, I bid 7 no trump. Alder doubled and George redoubled. After two brilliant finesses, I not only made the bid, but also took an overtrick. It was the first time, in the history of bridge, that there was an overtrick in a 7 no trump contract. It happened because of a renege by that sneaky Arab, Sheriff. Needless to say we won the tournament. At the victory celebration, George and I consumed a large number of Manhattan cocktails (after all, we were in Manhattan). The next day I had a brutal hangover.
Two days later, I was walking backwards while rubbing my head and patting my stomach, and reciting the 12 steps program, as I climbed to the summit of Nanga Parbat. Top-flight alpinist considers this mountain to be more difficult to scale than either Everest or K2. Reinhold Messner, recently back from a 1000 mile walk in the Gobi desert, served as my porter. He used conventional climbing methods but I still had to stop and wait for him. Mountain Climber Magazine declared that I was the greatest climber of all time. My picture appears on the cover.
Laetitia Maria Laure Casta read of my exploits and was so impressed; she invited me to stay with her for a weekend on the island of Corsica. She is a beautiful model who ‘Rolling Stone Magazine’ calls “the hottest thing alive”. Just as I was packing to go, my wife woke me up and said, “you did not take the trash out last night so, get up and take care of it.
Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a barren field. Shakespeare said that sleep and dreams are the “chief nourishers in life’s feast”. Dreams do offer opportunities for fun, adventure, wish fulfillment, creativity, deep personal insight and healing. Dreams offer all this at no cost and with no line-ups! Keep on dreaming.
In contrast, I dream of playing with Anna Zatonskih, the sexiest Grandmistress in the world. She can play chess, too.
ReplyDeleteTo each his own dreams.
Tsar Pat
You being an expert on Russian culture, I am not surprised by your comment. Is it true that while playing chess with Anna and making love to her, you both experienced orgasms at the exact time that she checkmated you? If true, that must have been your finest moment!
ReplyDeleteIn my dreams. In reality, though, the reality is far different. Many years ago, in a chess tournament, I faced a lovely lass who was a belly dancer when not playing chess. She came dressed with her decolletage hanging out. I lost my queen at about the 8th move. I never played another tournament game after that. It was clear to me that my concentration wasn't good enough for anything than drinking beer and smoking cigars, upon which activity I've concentrated for years and have achieve grandmaster status. Tsar Pat
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