Miracle Invention Solves All Our Problems!

Stops global warming by reducing greenhouse gases.
Eliminates the energy crisis by supplying inexpensive renewable fuel.
Motivates obese people to get skinny and healthy (lowers health care costs)
Creates enough explosive power to blow up Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea.
Does away with embarrassing noises and odors.

I have registered my invention with the U.S. Patent Office as, “Harry’s Backpack Flatulence Collector. It sounds too good to be true but it is based on known scientific principles and current technology. I have secretly tested this device on cows in Argentina; guess what, it works perfectly! Now that we know it is safe (and effective) the next step is to require all U.S. citizens to wear one for the common good of our country. You are probably wondering, how does it work? Since it is registered with the patent office, I am free to explain. The methane gas in your farts is a greenhouse gas, which is 25 times worse than carbon dioxide. By not releasing this gas into the atmosphere, we are reducing global warming. Methane gas used to heat our homes and fuel are cars will free us from dependence on fossil fuels. Fat people will be motivated to create gas (by eating more fiber) because it will be a credit against their taxes. Thus, we will have healthier people and this will reduce the nation’s health care cost. Think about this: 7 years of farts from one person creates the energy of an atomic bomb. 300,000,000 people in the United States could provide enough fire power to wipe out all our enemies. And, here’s the good part; our national defense budget could be reduced by 98%! A personal muffler and catalytic converter will result in a better smelling and quieter planet.

Yes, all this is possible by digitizing your ass gas into digital energy and transmitting it by microwaves to a huge storage facility in Washington D.C. We tried using our heads and look where it got us. It is time to start using our rear ends!